WIFE FROM HELL!

Saturday, November 21, 2009 View Comments

WIFE FROM HELL


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'






Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks,
'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

I love this part....


'Only when he's been drinking.'

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AN INTERVIEW: FAVORITE CHILDHOOD FOODS!

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 Today I bring you a special heart warming interview with my good friend Ian of the blogs [M.A.L.E] and Wielding The Axe. We sit down to discuss our top three favorite childhood foods. Please  feel free when you are done reading to drop us a good comment and tell us what you liked to eat as a child. Let's Rock It Owt The BoxXe on this one everyone!  Please click to read the full interview below! 








I will go first and deliver my three favorite childhood foods. Some were made up by my family and I and others I just love my own special way.  

Della:


3. CRAB SALAD!- WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY! ITS CRAB SALAD! AND NOT IMITATION CRAB MEAT! WOO LAWD! IM HAVING PALPATATIONS JUST THINKING OF ITS GOODNESS.


 2. Hamburger Dip that my mother made. She would put creme cheese at the bottom of a glass dish with browned hamburger with some kind of taco bell spices and chilli powder and salsa. then she'd sprinkle a few kinds of shredded cheese and melt it in the oven ..then take it out and eat it with Tortilla chips.!  I can make the hell out of it! I still make it to this day......one of the only fattening meals i will always eat.


1. Grits with butter and sugar- Do not ask me why but I loooooved them this way! I would probably still eat them this way today!



IAN:

1.One of my favorite foods is a brand of potato chips called Muchos. They were like eating wafers, little bit salty and tangy but so comforting. I still eat them to this day! :)


Sidenote:  : On a side note.... I love grits, but honey, salt, pepper, butter and HOT SAUSE!!!! No sugar!!
ewww

2. My next favorite food that I can remember growing up is my Auntie's Christmas cake. We called it rainbow cake. She would make a yellow or white cake, then punch holes in it and pour differnt colored jello in it, frost it with cool whip or vanilla icing and then put strawberries on top. It was so wonderfullicious. Christmas wasn't Christmas unless she made that.

3.Last food, and still is till this very day, is tuna salad. My mom would maek tuna with fresh relish, celery, celery seed, onions, and diced egg with Miracle whip (NEVER mayonaise...eww!)  Those are mine! :)


Everyone please share your favorites in the comments! :)











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~~*The Legend's Showcase*~~

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This is a new segment of my blog where I will showcase the singers I feel are legendary and have inspired me so much to become more and what I am today. Today I bring you a performance from 1959 with Duke Ellington featuring  one of my obsessions, THE LEGENDARY RUTH OLAY! EVERYBODY SAY OLAY! Please enjoy this legendary lesser known but larger than life talented performer. I have her albums and I listen daily and watch this particular performance each day! Can you believe that? LOL!


Please Read more to enjoy the gritty, oh so good, RUTH OLAY!



















Ruth Olay I Ain't Got Nothin But the Blues on Merv Griffin


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Friends Say The Dumbest Things!

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I want to share with you stories of two friends that I have in particular that have some sort of weird habit of asking or saying the dumbest/silliest things. Please read more below to find out what happened just two weeks ago.



 






 The first friend we are going to name AbDoola. The second friend we are going to name HoneyBee. AbDoola attends NCCU in Durham, NC. AbDoola is always saying the craziest things for no reason and no one knows where it comes from and how a college student behaves the way he does. 


We were all sitting at HoneyBee's kitchen table two weeks ago. Honeybee got up wash dishes and she began to remove certain items from the refrigerator to clean also.  She pulled out a long glass baking dish with a whole chicken uncovered that had been previously baked and partially picked at the night before.  She places it on the counter as she returns to the kitchen table to text message from her phone. AbDoola gets up and walks over to the spot where the glass dish is and says,



"OOOOOOOOH! GOOD LORD! THAT CHICKEN LOOK DEAD!" 



**SILENCE AND LOOKS OF DEATH ARE RETURNED FROM MYSELF AND HONEYBEE TO ABDOOLA**


**MOMENTS LATER, WE ALL BURST INTO LAUGHER**


 I still do not know to this day where AbDoola's brain is most of the time. It just sits on vacation. It has selective intelligence. It only wants to show it when IT feels like it. Other times, it is just as bad as Rose Nylund of the Golden Girls. 

Please stay tuned! Ive got loads more of these kind of outbursts! 

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**Safe Sex That Packs A Fat Punch!**

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I have recently viewed a grassroots website by an organization called DC FUK!T. The group specializes in the aiding in the practices of safe sex and always using condoms whether oral or anal sex. The information is straight forward and may even shock most with its raw delivery. Please visit the link below and learn how you can stay safe and save the lives of not only yourself, but your lover and/or sexual partners.











Please Click below to visit the website! 


 http://www.fc-kits.org

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Change is coming.....are you?

Friday, November 13, 2009 View Comments

Change Is Coming.....Are you?



Hear that wind a'howlin'?
Hear those trees a'singin'?
You know the song
You've felt it's melody slowly creeping
You've felt your strength to fight it weakening
See those dark clouds a'dancin'?
Hear that thunder instigating?
See that lightning ready to strike?
You've ran long enough, now this time you'll fight
But this battle you will lose
You've had your chance, now the mind of change will choose
Far beyond the sky and deep within your mind
Sit the guilt of knowing and the ignorance of time
They are laughing at you
Those that you pushed away tried to warn you
See your hands a'tremblin'?
Feel your legs a'weakenin'?
Hear that sound of destruction?

Your heart a'achin'?
Your loins a'shakin'?
This time you lose
You've had your chance, now the mind of change will choose
Too long you've ignored the words that would have kept you alive
Shouldn't be too hard to believe this time you will not survive
You look back and into the eyes of ones that swallowed your spirit whole
They return a look of blankness, shamelessness, down right cold!
You try to walk into the light but it's much too late
Those that swallowed your spirit have began to lead
Change has chosen to let them feed
No regret or sorrow from your bleeding soul can stop the shattering of your heart
For this time
There
Will
Not
Be
A
New
Start!

 


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